I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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