dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
