Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize