I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
