YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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