She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
