Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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