Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
