your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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