Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
