I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
