Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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