If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs