Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess