She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize