so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time