I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍