I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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