Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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