Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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