Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
