Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
