Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
