Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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