just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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