I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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