you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
