she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
