I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
