hell yes lets make some ravioli
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
