found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you would pick up someone in the library
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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