I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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