Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
