If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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