Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
