it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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