How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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