i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
