we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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