Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
