Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
