i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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