I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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