so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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