he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
