i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
