At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
