I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
