there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
