everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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