I want to have your abortion
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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