This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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