I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
