I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
