I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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