happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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