please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
