He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
