I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
