Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
