it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
