I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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