once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
