People with herpes should wear stickers.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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