God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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