I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
