Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
