I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
