Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
