My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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