i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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