last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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