It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
